When I chose the word wonder to describe my feelings, it was a very carefully selected word. The Concise Oxford Dictionary defines wonder as: an emotion excited by what is unexpected, unfamiliar, or inexplicable, especially surprise mingled with curiosity; a strange or remarkable person or thing; a desire or curiosity to know.

The dictionary also lists a wonder-worker as a person who performs wonders, does miracles, and succeeds remarkably! Then there are the wonder adjectives of wonderful, wonderfully, and wonderfulness, while wonderland is described as a place where fairies live or a land of surprises.

The reason I chose to use the word wonder wasn't because I thought I fit any of these definitions in particular. It's because of an experience I've had, which really wasn't all that wonderful. It was a little remarkable, a whole lot strange and a bit disturbing, and which conveniently enough, has relevance to the topic I've been asked to speak to.

You see, as a First Nations woman, every single job I've ever had has carried with it this stigma - that the only reason I'm there at all is because of preferential hiring. Or that I got my job because of my status as a First Nations person or as a woman. It never seems to cross some people's minds that I was selected on the basis of the combination of my skills, qualifications, education, and experience. I truly believe I was the most qualified person for the position and part of my qualification had to do with the nature of the work and the fact that I was of First Nations ancestry.

Now I really don't want you to think that all I'm going to do today is "sing the blues." But what I will do is share a couple of experiences which have affected the way I feel about equity and the influence it has on a member of a "target" group. I recall one particular occasion where a co-worker, higher up on the rungs of the organizational ladder (but thank heavens not my boss) said, "Geez Maureen, I really think you've got it made. Here you are, educated, "Native," and a woman. In these days of so-called fairness, if you could arrange to have yourself put in a wheelchair, you'd fill every equity quota in this place. Think of it, three hits, all in one person."

Well, I did think about the hits he was talking about, but not quite in the same way he intended.

But getting back to why I chose the word wonder. The example I thought most relevant for today's discussion was another work occasion, different workplace and different circumstances. (This time the person was my immediate supervisor.) The word wonder was applied to me in a way that was neither appropriate or complimentary. I should say that I think my boss meant well, that it was not her intention to offend. It was the result of her actions that got me going and which created a sense of wonder (defined as that emotion excited by what is inexplicable). What happened is that I was being praised for pulling off some event

In the space of a few moments, with the most admirable intentions, this lady had reduced me from feeling a certain degree of pride in my work to feeling shame for what I represented. To her I was the exception to the rule, the oddity, the freak-of-nature, the so-called wonder. I was being built up by the reduction of all other First Nations peoples to her low standards, when in fact, in my family and in my community I'm not remarkable at all, just a hard-working average kind of girl. Wonderful at some things, but if the truth were to be known, mostly just wondering how to do things!

Thank heavens I was doing something right. If one person can be an indicator of an entire race of people I guess I should be glad she wasn't dissatisfied with some aspect of my job performance. She might as well have said: "You done pretty good...for an Indian." My real problem is that I felt I was being praised because she didn't think a First Nations person could perform as I had, rather than on the quality of work I had done.

For me, not feeling demeaned as a person who just happens to belong to a particular group is a rationale for greater awareness of equity programs. Until we reach the stage where everyone realizes the good that can come from equality we will have not progressed very far at all. Come to think of it, sometimes our workplaces have become a whole lot like wonderland, not full of fairies, like the dictionary definition I mentioned earlier, but a land full of surprises.

It's probably appropriate to consider more than just the message I received from my supervisor. The fact that someone in a position of trust, of influence, of power, and with the potential to really make a difference was not capable, did not have the knowledge, was totally unaware of her behaviour, and did not value the principles of equity, fairness and justice is what we should really think about.